Cucumber, Tomatoes and Does!

I heard the most preposterous thing last night. Apparently, when the Al-Quaida infiltrated Iraq soon after the American invasion (Yes! I said invasion!!!), they were making every effort to promote their ‘supposedly’ Islamic morality in the country . The most ludicrous rules and codes to live by. Obviously, I had to verify, double check and triple check!! To my utmost amazement and disbelief, I found it to be true. Hear this…

It appears that, women in Iraq cannot buy cucumber. Yes, that is one of their morality rules or codes by which a decent woman of the Islamic faith must follow.

Why?

Because it looked too much like a man’s penis!! Yes, a bloody penis!
If they were caught in possession of one, or found one in their homes, they were punished. Beaten or stoned….whichever they were in the mood for. Hard to believe isn’t it? Better believe it; cause it is the absolute truth. My perverse mind keeps drifting into places that all men must have been. What about aubergines?? Don¨t they also look kind of penisish!!!! Or, Bananas?

According to the Al-Quaida the cucumber is a male plant. At least now I know how to flirt with a female follower of the al-Quaida. Show her a cucumber, and she gets the message. No need for expensive wine and dining and wasting money:

"Can someone please pass me a cucumber!!"

Hang on there now..

There were rules for men too. No tomatoes! Yes, tomatoes. They apparently have far too much resemblance to a vagina. Please enlighten me here, stretching my imagination beyond the expanse of the universe, I cannot see any similarity. Or, am I the only man on the planet who cannot see the connection. Tomatoes are females according to the turbaned bamboozles. Hence, a man purchasing a tomato was the same as soliciting for sex. The only place a man could freely by Tomatoes was in the ‘red light’ zones of Baghdad. If one existed at all.

They also said, that making a salad with cucumber and tomatoes amounts to adultery. Serious serious adultery. Wonder if the cucumber shags the tomatoe!!!

Question: If a man has a cucumber salad and a woman had only tomatoes, what does it make them? I would think they are then indulging in some adulterous homosexual act. But the Al.Quaida does not seem anything too wrong with that. After all the men fight for day on days and must at some time indulge is sensual activities. Not with each other, but maybe the cucumber. Hence, men and cucumber are allowed. Like wise, women at home alone, clearly needed their tomatoes.

Oh something else. The female goats - known as a Doe or Nanny - according to them, must have undies on. Yes! underwear! I can see the big Paris Fashion Houses rushing now to come up with designer Doe-Undies!

In all honesty, I have never (or any one I know!) looked at a Doe's genital making or anatomy. Apparently, the doe shows its genitals when seen from the back. This according to the Al-Quaida is done intentionally to entice men. Proof: It's tail is raised for clear view and seduction.

Something like a ‘come fornicate with me, darling’.

Interestingly, this might prove some special or 'gifted' talents the Al-Quaida men possessed. They could read the mind of a goat. Especially, the female. How bloody good on them fighters!

Researchers around the world have been try to communicate with animals. And now a break through. The females goats do communicate with the ‘God chosen and blessed’ al-quaida men.

Come shag me!!!...the doe say.

I have just been informed that Salads using Cucumber and Tomatoes can be made..subject to a ritual. Which is, that before the making of the salad, the cucumber and tomatoes are married according to al-quaidaic rites by a al-quadia certified jihadist!! There you go…Salads are allowed actually….phew!